For men traumatized by a women, girlfriend or wife, with Borderline Personality there are many factors that complicate coping, surviving, and finding help. Men, as people, are very wounded, but so too is their masculinity often. Men are in many ways shattered by these breakups having given so much of themselves.
Culturally men are expected to be the logical, rational, “rescuers” and the ones to “fix the problem.” It is very difficult for men, most of whom have been, to one degree or another, hurt and wounded emotionally in childhood and developed codependency.
What most men don’t realize and can’t know until after they’ve been ghosted or had to end a very toxic unhealthy relationship partner with Borderline Personality is just how negatively impacting what happens is.
Many men have not been taught, growing up, that it is healthy to feel hurt. To seek help. To feel. Many men do not have men in their lives who know how to support what men feel after these relationship breakups.
If you feel shattered, have codependency, don’t have anyone that understands when you try to talk about what happened, and/or if you are holding everything in, what you need to know is that you do need professional help and support. I work with men who are need to heal. Men who need to be heard. Who need their pain and suffering witnessed, gently, and with empathy.
While women who have been in a relationship with a male Borderline also get traumatized they have more support systems and the green light from society to feel their feelings and talk about them. Men don’t have that luxury. Men often have nowhere to turn and no one to hear them without saying, “be a man” or “suck it up”.
Many men that have been dating or in a relationship or marriage with a woman with BPD have “mother wounds” from childhood. A wounded inner child. When I work with male clients, as I have for 30 years, my being a woman is often more healing and helpful to men in a world of hurt then working with a man would be.
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